P and I met in high school, dated for two years, then he moved away, then he moved back and we got back together, then we lived together, then we broke up, then a year later we got back together, then we broke up... you get the point. We haven't officially dated in several years, but we have had definite times of connectedness, both physically and emotionally. It's like we have to check-in with each other every so often and say, "Is it right yet? Can we finally make this work? Have we grown-up enough to get our shit together? ... No? Ok, see ya again in a couple years."
Now that it has been a sufficient amount of time, it appears that it is time for he and I to dance again.
It has become kind of a joke between he and I because every time we do this, his family and our friends start asking all kinds of questions about what's happening, when are we getting back together, when is the wedding, etc. We just look at each other and laugh, knowing that in many ways we are perfect for each other, soul mates, but at the same time knowing that we can't try to make it right if it just isn't, we've done that too many times before.
We have finally come to enjoy each other's company for the time that we have it. But maybe someday... maybe.
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P.S. Happy Birthday to my bestie, M!!! I love you and can't wait to have a celebratory drink with you!! XOXO
This was so beautifully written it made me teary eyed. I hope that you find the perfect co-pilot you so deserve in life (and if it's P this time around that would be awesome!).
ReplyDeleteBy the way, you were one of the "fans" at the bottom of PostSecret today when I was reading it. I loved having that connection with you.
XOXOXOXOXO
That is quite a post my dear. It feels like it was written for two people. Everyone else , and me . That may seem selfish , as indeed saying so feels to me. But you have expressed our situation perfectly using the minimum amount of words. As if we were engaged in a dance that has now spanned almost two decades.
ReplyDeleteHow , but for the grace of God go we ? Do we relish in tortureing each other ? Or do we subconsously find ways to keep the potential glory of " pete and gina " alive ? Or ! Is it indeed the third option ? The gods have pre-ordained us to be together , and try as we might we can not fight it ?
I can not say . But I can say this. The sum total of my life without you has absolutley no chance of equalling the joy I feel in the 20 seconds it takes to make you smile.
You are my lobster .