Before little bother moved out here, we spoke on the phone frequently about all the things we would do together; see Colorado, ride roller coasters, go to concerts, and have big parties at the house. Having done very few of these things since he has been here, it is now time for our first party - The Grand Opening! Except.... he seems like he could care less, He hasn't helped me do anything to get the house ready, will not be helping me shop, and will not be helping me to prep tomorrow. Yesterday he sat downstairs and played video games for like 6 hours. I asked him to clean his bathroom last week and he told me to stop obsessing. (By the way, this was the first and only time I asked him to do anything specific in preparation for the shindig.) Then last night he told me that he doesn't even really care about the party. Well, that's just great. I have invited all my friends over so we can welcome little brother to CO and he doesn't even care. Apparently all his grand ideas of big parties where he gets to play bartender and DJ have gone by the wayside.
I had these great expectations of how things would be when he got here. I felt like maybe I would have some semblance of a normal family for the first time in my life, some type of partnership to depend on. Instead, I have alienated older brother, who is already not my biggest fan, I seem to be pushing little brother away, and I feel lonelier than I did before.
The only common denominator here is me. What is it about me that causes my relationships to be broken? Am I that emotionally damaged that I can't have a healthy relationship with anyone anymore?
I feel like everything is just a big mess and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe with the start of school in 2 weeks things will calm down. I will have to throw myself into work and maybe the tension will dissipate and we will find a happy medium. I hope so.
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