Cleaning out the closet...

Dear Friend G,

Our friendship has been one of convenience for you. I have thought this many times, and it has been pointed out to me even more times, but I am finally starting to REALLY see it. Let me explain...

In the past 2 years, ever since you broke your arm and moved into your new apartment, I feel like you have been stuck in a funk. Or maybe you always were and I just never noticed. At any rate, I have always tried to be there for you and include you in my life, since I have also been the most busy of my whole life during the past 2 years. I invite you out to school functions, but you sit there like a log and then bitch about how much you dislike my school friends. I invite you to friend's houses or functions I'm going to, and if you can't find anything better to do, then you reluctantly show up. I invite you to go out just the 2 of us but you "never have any money" or don't go out here because "Colorado Springs is stupid." Then you turn around and invite a friend or family member down from Denver, miraculously find money to go out in "stupid" Colorado Springs, and never think to invite me. You also never invite me to any other function that you might go to. Do you see a pattern here? You need me when you don't have anyone else. And the current situation with M is not different, except that now I get to be your Plan B in my own house.

Yes, I told you initially that I didn't care what happened between you two and then I changed my mind. Was that fair? Probably not. I tried to take the high road and talk to you about it like a grown-up and you said our friendship was "too important" to you to let this get in the way. And in the same breath you ask me what I would do if it happened again. Sounds like you never had any intention of backing off, which became evident in the next two weeks as you persistently called and texted me with reasons for you to come over to my house. Did you think I wouldn't see right through this as an excuse for you to come over and maybe see my brother?

I know I can't keep you two apart, so now that you have each others numbers, I assume you won't be calling me to hang out anymore. I feel like you just couldn't let it go, like you chose the potential of him over the guarantee of my friendship, like you sacrificed the past 5 years for the chance to get laid. I'm done. I don't trust you with my friendship and I'm tired of feeling like you use me.

Additionally, it's kind of ironic that you talk so much shit about my friend B, whom you barely know, and how you don't like the way she treats me. You're right, she is critical of me at times, but she and I have been friends for 10 years and she has held me hand, both literally and figuratively, through more heartache than I can count. And despite her flaws, she is genuine with me. She doesn't lie or use me to get what she wants, and I am not a back-up plan for her.

Friends & Brothers

So, if I really liked my friends, I shouldn't have a problem with them hooking up with my little brother, right?? Well, I thought I wouldn't. In fact, it never even crossed my mind that I would care if he slept with all of my friends. Whatever. But now that it happened, I want to stab her in the eye... I guess I just never thought about her potential for clinginess and that now she would be around ALL THE TIME and invite herself to EVERYTHING that we do. I had a conversation with the brother and he said I would not need to ever have that conversation with him again. And I told her I was uncomfortable with the situation. I think he heard me (maybe) and she definitely did not. They are downstairs right now and I can hear them talking and I want to puke and scream and kick her out of my house. But if she's supposed to be such a good friend, then WTF is my problem???

My friends are my friends for a reason, and that is that I am able to keep my boundaries. I share what I want, when I want, with who I want. Now the boundaries feel all blurred and I feel like she is infiltrating every part of my life. I can't deal with that; I need more space!!! I feel trapped in my own bedroom... all except the part when I can hear her giggling from my brother's bedroom directly below me.

FML.