Bitter Betty

I am feeling so bitter and angry and lonely today. I don't know if its the time of year, the time of month, being snowed in for 3 days, or what... I just feel bad.

I feel bitter and angry about M and his new wife. I feel like they got to be so happy, all by hurting me. In their honeymoon pictures, he looks so happy; the way he used to look when he looked at me. I feel bitter and angry that he went back to school. He went back to school for something, I don't know what, and he talks all the time about how all he does is homework when that was one of the "reasons" he gave me for ending our relationship. He told me that I spent too much time working on school and didn't have enough time to spend with him.

I feel angry and bitter that Brother spends so much time with my ex-friend, someone who sacrificed 5 years of friendship for the possibility of getting laid. I feel angry that he would sacrifice our new sibling relationship for a girl he doesn't even know. I feel angry that he doesn't even see why it bothers me and that even though it hurts me, he does it anyway.

I feel lonely that I don't have someone to share my life with. I thought I had found that person, again, in J. I know that he wants someone to share his life with because he has said that, but he keeps me at arm's length and won't let me in. My friends all around me seem to have found their person. I thought it was going to be my turn, too, but I guess I was wrong. Again.

I want to sit in my room and cry, but when I try, the tears won't come.