I heard from K yesterday. Is it possible to feel better and to feel worse at the same time?? I feel better because he called, so at least he isn't dropping off the face of the earth like Matt did. But I feel worse because he didn't meet my idealized expectations of what he should say. I realize how that sounds, and I completely blame chick-flicks for these unrealistic expectations!! Which is why I tend to avoid those movies like the plague!
However, I have seen enough of them to somehow have allowed a few of those expectations to have buried themselves in my subconscious. I want the grand gesture. I want someone, in this case, K, to make a grand gesture of his love for me. I want the romance and the fairytale. (Although I would never publicly admit this!) I have these stupid fantasies that he will randomly show up at my door or that I will pull into the parking lot one day and see his car. But, alas, that has not happened. Quite the opposite, in fact.
On the phone yesterday he was cordial, but distant. I tell myself that he is being distant because it is too painful for him to remain close; that helps me get through the day. It's breaking my heart that every day for the past 10 weeks he has been telling me how he never stopped thinking about me over the past 14 years, how he always held out hope that we would end up together, how he felt so lucky to have the opportunity to start a life with the person who he considered to be his best friend... And now it seems so easy for him to just cut me out of his life.
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